Now that Scars of Mirrodin is dropped, any of these Limited articles will shift to it from M11. Just from the first draft I can tell that Scars is a more difficult set to draft, being that it's not a core set, added to the the artifact proportionality and the infect strategy. From that you can guess that my results were not up to my previous soaring heights, but oh well. I apologize because I do not know the set well enough to remember all the card names yet, so I will have to allude at some points. I drafted R/W and my deck was decent. I had Embersmith, two Shatter, the 3/3 dude that destroyers an artifact when he hits the battlefield, an Arrest, an Arc Trail, a Galvanic Blast, the 3/3 dude that exiles a permanent, and some other stuff. I really should hang on to my decks...
Just about every pick was tough, as I went in fairly blind and I'm fairly certain so did most of the others at the table, as the cards I was seeing were all over the place. I first picked the 3/1 pro-artifact Infect green guy, which might be terrible but nothing else really stood out. After that I got passed a little white and a lot of red. I saw a Ratchet Bomb pack one, pick two but took the 3/3 exile dude over it, which Rob told me was wrong and he is the Limited deity of Kentucky, so I'll go with him. I should've taken it just so I could sell it for five dollars. Other than that I don't remember many of the picks. This report sucks. On to the matchups.
Match 1 : Mon0-Blue
My opponent had a fairly artifact heavy blue deck, the highlight of which was two Volition Reins. The first game he takes one of my dudes, but I'm able to sacrifice the 3/1 artifact guy that hits players for 3, recur it with the 3/3 white flier that returns artifacts, sac it again and then Galvanic Blast him out. Second game I just die. This report sucks. Third game he stalls on land and I get a fast start with Myrsmith, so by the time he drops the Reins I've got too much pressure. Off to a good start.
Match 2: W/U
I've played against this guy before and he's always wearing good heavy metal t-shirts, so he's A-OK in my book. Sadly, the first game was a nightmare, as my draw was pretty bad and he was able to recur Contagion Engine multiple times. He was shaky on the rulers regarding how the Clasp could put poison counters on a player so he was not activating it, which I was hoping would give me an advantage (I mean, obviously it's an advantage...yeah, pretty pointless clarification of something that was unnecessary in the first place). Since I'm not on a clock, I manage to stay in the game just enough with Heavy Arbalest that he drops Sunblast Angel to just try and kill me. I misplay (thanks again Rob), as I have the resources to kill the Angel on my turn but don't see it and he kills me. When the first game is over we only have fifteen minutes left in the round...yikes. I do not know if I should have conceded earlier or not, but it at least would have bought more time in the match. Instead, I get an aggressive start Game 2 and win in about ten minutes. Still, that doesn't leave enough time for the third game and we draw. This is the first time I've ever gone to time in sanctioned play, so hopefully I will think about this in the future. Or just play faster. Or just play better. Or both.
Game 3 - G/B (not infect)
Well this was pretty disheartening. Game 1 he plays the black 3/3 flier for 2B where he loses three life. I bounce it my temporary exile guy, hoping to race him, but he has the -4/-4 removal spell for it and things aren't looking good and I lose quickly. Game 2 starts off much better, as he mulligans down to five. I keep a decent hand, but my opponent curves out from drops two through five, the last of which is the 2/5 Giant-er Spider guy, which shuts down my whole team. His fliers finish me off in short order. That series took about ten minutes. This format can be fast.
I don't have enough points to get into the Top 4 cut, so I leave to get some work in in lieu of doing a second (and cheaper, damnit), draft. Scars looks like an interesting set to draft, and I am wanting to try out the infect deck, so hopefully I will be able to draft again soon and please my legion of followers (MY READERSHIP HAS DOUBLED TO 2).
Wednesday, October 6, 2010
Monday, September 20, 2010
M11 Draft #2
I had to wait a week but draft #2 has come and gone. Read on to see if I return to the previous glories of the first draft or if I replay 2003.
Sadly there were no tales from before the draft, as we had the cards this time and were able to start much earlier. We have nine people again, so someone gets a bye. Some new faces, notably a guy whose name I forget but is called Johnny Redbeard by my friend Chris, who has a hatred so thick for him you can drizzle it over pancakes (I stole that line from Patton Oswalt). Mainly because JB comes down to the store, plants his ass in the floor and reads comics without paying for them and then will drop a fart every now and then. Just in case you were on the fence about this guy being a winner, here was his plan of action. He had to work at 8 pm. The draft started at 6 pm. Trouble in paradise? Yep, he willingly dropped $20 so he could get roughly $12 worth of cards and only be able to play one round, with no way to win any product and make his entry back. The only way that works is if you just rare draft, but M11 is a fairly weak set for that and it's a moot point because he didn't anyway.
My recollections are a little lax this week, sorry. I also have already donated my draft deck to the Smith cause so I don't have my decklist. The draft starts and I first pick Doom Blade. At the end of Pack 1 I'm clearly in blue black, with an Assassinate, Cloud Elemental, Air Servant, and a Scroll Thief. Pack 2 I pick up a Howling Banshee, Clone, Mana Leak and a Forsee, and notably a late (8th or 9th) Pyroclasm. Pack 3 I get some more decent stuff like an Ice Cage, Azure Drake, Augury Owl, Corrupt, and some filler. The highlight is a fourth pick Fireball...yeah, that shouldn't be in there. To compliment that, I find a Prodigal Pyromancer that tables and it looks like I have a red splash. I also had a Warlord's Axe and a Whispersilk Cloak. In retrospect I don't think I should have played the Cloak, as my deck was almost exclusively evasion creatures and creature-light already. The only thing it worked well with was Scroll Thief. Nether Horror or even Maritime Guard seems like the better choice. The Axe is a large mana investment, but since I only had one 5-drop and nothing higher, I thought it might be able to send my fliers over the top when I needed the last few points of damage. My mana base was 9 Island, 6 Swamp, and 2 Mountain. Once again I had nothing valuable outside of the draft, as I was on the other side of the table from the girl who opened a pack with double Primeval Titan and got a nice shiny $50-60 piece of cardboard.
Round 1: The Constructed Hype-Man Strikes Back
Again this guy drafted mono-black, but this time he didn't have Grave Titan. He did have two Captivating Vampire, which he had tried to base his entire deck around to horrific results. Game 1 is over pretty quick, his deck just can't compete with my pile of jank. Game 2 is not over pretty quick. I have the life totals, and at one point he was at 27 from Demon's Horn. However, as you know (or if you don't you do now) that card it terrible in Limited. I draw so much removal and he just keeps playing Disentomb. Finally I get a board presence and wipe his whole side of the field with Pyroclasm and estamos terminado. Addendum 1: David (or CHM, which is what I think I'm going to refer to him as in the future), says "pull" whenever he draws. I'm a little torn on this. I like the word pull, but only in the context of referring to a relatively obscure pop culture reference. For example, you and some friends are walking through an intersection, the light changes, the driver in the closest car blares his horn, and someone in the group then says, "Man, who does this guy think we are, Barry Allen?" Then someone else says, "Nice pull." My favorite is the line about the demilitarized zone from Ghostbusters. What's yours? Addendum 2: While the games are going on, Zach, who I didn't play last week but who I thought might be one of the better players, decides to scout everyone's deck. He comes over and just stares at my hand and I hide it face down. This will be sort of awesome in a turd way later. Addendum 3: Ron Trauma got the ultimate from Ajani Goldmane during Round 1 against the bastard 9th cousin of life.dec. He gained some life himself, then cast Overwhelming Stampede and attacked for over 100.
Round #2: Justin
Justin had a B/R deck that was a mixture of a burn deck and the Threaten deck. He had several Act of Treason but no way to get rid of the creatures. He also had a Fire Servant, something I had seen enough of last week. We split the first two games non-remarkably. In the third, he has almost no pressure after I Doom Blade his first guy and get in with Scroll Thief. I'm slowly whittling him down and get him to 5 with me at 15. With him at 8 mana he casts double Act of Treason and then laments the fact that he can't do anything with the one card in his hand, which is Demon of Death's Gate. I saw this card early in the draft and passed it. I think in the past I would have channeled Pete Townsend and planted that thing in my pile quickly, but I'm better now. That card is terrible. His attack with my guys does not kill me and then he asks what's in my hand. I tell him if he's conceding I'll be happy to show him. He says he is and I show him two land. I'm assuming he was worried about a counter for the card he couldn't cast regularly or through the alternate casting cost. Addendum 4: He was running at least two Lava Axe, which I'm assuming was his win condition. So do I side in my two Flashfreeze? Nope, because I'm that good/terrible. Addendum 5: After my game is done, there's only one match left. It's a guy who hasn't played in forever who drafted a mono-white deck that is beyond bad. He went with the stereotypical life gain with no actual kill condition or threats. As such, his games could last a long time, but he would never concede even though he literally had no chance at winning a game. Since we're on a short clock anyway, this is a problem. Now I don't want to be that guy, but too late. Read some Marx, go to Asia, or do something. Whatever it is, take one for the collective and FUCKING PACK IT IN.
Round 3: Zach
My deck decided to vomit this round, though I certainly didn't help. Game 1 I should have mulliganed to 5 but kept, hoping to draw an Island, which didn't show up until it was too late. Game 2 my opener is 6 lands and Warlord's Axe. I go down to 4 before I get a playable hand. This was a genuinely frustrating game besides the mulligans. I figure out this game that Zach's deck is even more creature-light than mine. So while I have nothing, he is attacking with Viscera Seer only for about four turns. This makes me think I have a chance, as I'm able to draw into some removal and Mana Leak, meaning he has no real pressure. Instead of playing threats while I sit with three land forever, he casts Sign in Blood and Jace's Ingenuity, making sure he has a full grip of goodness. As such, I finally start playing dudes and he plays Aether Adept for three consecutive turns. Yay. I mean, his strategy worked, I would just rather get wrecked quickly rather than slowly. Mind Control and Sleep help too, I hear.
So I'm at 2-1 and am able to draw into the Top 4 reset and we effectively skip the final round, which means we can play to see who gets to split the packs, as we still will not have time for the finals. Ron is first, Zach second, I'm third, and Luke is fourth. So I sit right back down against Zach.
Round 4 (or 5): Zach por el segundo vez.
Game 1 is a terrible flashback, as I mulligan more and he draws creatures. From the life totals, I can see I took him to 18 and then slowly went to zero. Things turn around in Game 2. He mentions early when I play a mountain that he did not know I was playing red from any of the previous three games. The whole game was a race but I had Fireball in my hand and I thought he he didn't know I had it because (FLASHBACK) that was the card I had in my hand that I hid from him. Here's the situation: I have Howling Banshee and six mana in play. He has a guy out that I have Ice Cage on, a Liliana's Specter, and a Cloud Elemental. He's at 7 and I'm at 6. He's tapped out so I decide to go for it. I attack with the Howling Banshee, thinking that it screams trick, though really I'm not sure. He did not have lethal on the board, though he might have had a way to get rid of the Ice Cage. He was running Unsummon and Diminish, but both of those would not have let him kill me the next turn. He could have cast Sign in Blood on me, as I can't remember if he had already played it that game. I think in that situation, with the life totals as they were, I would double block, but I could be thinking too cautiously. He lets it through, goes to 4 and I show him the Fireball. From a completely-admitted asshole/shiteater/worthless fuck perspective, the look on his face was priceless.
So like last week it's one game to decide if I get to give Rob more cards (unless I pull one of the seven or so cards I could sell on ebay) or if I go home with my draft deck only. This game was a nice change of pace, as he draws tricks but no guys and eventually he just can't cope with my board. He resolves Liliana Vess and tutors up Sleep to try and slow me down but my hand is an Exxon station while he's sitting on a few cards in hand and one creature that I have Ice Cage on. I play Liliana's Specter and he pitches Redirect, which seems odd, since that would be good for the Fireball I'm holding. The other card in his hand is a Diminish, which he plays when I attack. At this point we're both at 8 and he has nothing in hand and nothing effective on the board. I untap, ready to attack for five and then drop the Fireball but he concedes. Sadly, he cannot stop from saying about how he had messed up and thrown the game away by discarding Redirect and how I should be dead. The only problem with that logic is he's wrong. I could only Fireball for 4, so if he sends it at me, I just kill him next turn. He could hit my Specter but he couldn't kill my Banshee too because of the 3 toughness and having to pay for the split. Not to mention I had Assassinate and Corrupt (though I couldn't cast it on five mana) and another creature in my hand. I tell him this, letting him know there was nothing he really could have done, and he just keeps saying he threw the game away and I should have lost. Irritating, but I got the packs and opened absolutely nothing of value except a foil Mountain.
It's late and I suck. The end.
Sadly there were no tales from before the draft, as we had the cards this time and were able to start much earlier. We have nine people again, so someone gets a bye. Some new faces, notably a guy whose name I forget but is called Johnny Redbeard by my friend Chris, who has a hatred so thick for him you can drizzle it over pancakes (I stole that line from Patton Oswalt). Mainly because JB comes down to the store, plants his ass in the floor and reads comics without paying for them and then will drop a fart every now and then. Just in case you were on the fence about this guy being a winner, here was his plan of action. He had to work at 8 pm. The draft started at 6 pm. Trouble in paradise? Yep, he willingly dropped $20 so he could get roughly $12 worth of cards and only be able to play one round, with no way to win any product and make his entry back. The only way that works is if you just rare draft, but M11 is a fairly weak set for that and it's a moot point because he didn't anyway.
My recollections are a little lax this week, sorry. I also have already donated my draft deck to the Smith cause so I don't have my decklist. The draft starts and I first pick Doom Blade. At the end of Pack 1 I'm clearly in blue black, with an Assassinate, Cloud Elemental, Air Servant, and a Scroll Thief. Pack 2 I pick up a Howling Banshee, Clone, Mana Leak and a Forsee, and notably a late (8th or 9th) Pyroclasm. Pack 3 I get some more decent stuff like an Ice Cage, Azure Drake, Augury Owl, Corrupt, and some filler. The highlight is a fourth pick Fireball...yeah, that shouldn't be in there. To compliment that, I find a Prodigal Pyromancer that tables and it looks like I have a red splash. I also had a Warlord's Axe and a Whispersilk Cloak. In retrospect I don't think I should have played the Cloak, as my deck was almost exclusively evasion creatures and creature-light already. The only thing it worked well with was Scroll Thief. Nether Horror or even Maritime Guard seems like the better choice. The Axe is a large mana investment, but since I only had one 5-drop and nothing higher, I thought it might be able to send my fliers over the top when I needed the last few points of damage. My mana base was 9 Island, 6 Swamp, and 2 Mountain. Once again I had nothing valuable outside of the draft, as I was on the other side of the table from the girl who opened a pack with double Primeval Titan and got a nice shiny $50-60 piece of cardboard.
Round 1: The Constructed Hype-Man Strikes Back
Again this guy drafted mono-black, but this time he didn't have Grave Titan. He did have two Captivating Vampire, which he had tried to base his entire deck around to horrific results. Game 1 is over pretty quick, his deck just can't compete with my pile of jank. Game 2 is not over pretty quick. I have the life totals, and at one point he was at 27 from Demon's Horn. However, as you know (or if you don't you do now) that card it terrible in Limited. I draw so much removal and he just keeps playing Disentomb. Finally I get a board presence and wipe his whole side of the field with Pyroclasm and estamos terminado. Addendum 1: David (or CHM, which is what I think I'm going to refer to him as in the future), says "pull" whenever he draws. I'm a little torn on this. I like the word pull, but only in the context of referring to a relatively obscure pop culture reference. For example, you and some friends are walking through an intersection, the light changes, the driver in the closest car blares his horn, and someone in the group then says, "Man, who does this guy think we are, Barry Allen?" Then someone else says, "Nice pull." My favorite is the line about the demilitarized zone from Ghostbusters. What's yours? Addendum 2: While the games are going on, Zach, who I didn't play last week but who I thought might be one of the better players, decides to scout everyone's deck. He comes over and just stares at my hand and I hide it face down. This will be sort of awesome in a turd way later. Addendum 3: Ron Trauma got the ultimate from Ajani Goldmane during Round 1 against the bastard 9th cousin of life.dec. He gained some life himself, then cast Overwhelming Stampede and attacked for over 100.
Round #2: Justin
Justin had a B/R deck that was a mixture of a burn deck and the Threaten deck. He had several Act of Treason but no way to get rid of the creatures. He also had a Fire Servant, something I had seen enough of last week. We split the first two games non-remarkably. In the third, he has almost no pressure after I Doom Blade his first guy and get in with Scroll Thief. I'm slowly whittling him down and get him to 5 with me at 15. With him at 8 mana he casts double Act of Treason and then laments the fact that he can't do anything with the one card in his hand, which is Demon of Death's Gate. I saw this card early in the draft and passed it. I think in the past I would have channeled Pete Townsend and planted that thing in my pile quickly, but I'm better now. That card is terrible. His attack with my guys does not kill me and then he asks what's in my hand. I tell him if he's conceding I'll be happy to show him. He says he is and I show him two land. I'm assuming he was worried about a counter for the card he couldn't cast regularly or through the alternate casting cost. Addendum 4: He was running at least two Lava Axe, which I'm assuming was his win condition. So do I side in my two Flashfreeze? Nope, because I'm that good/terrible. Addendum 5: After my game is done, there's only one match left. It's a guy who hasn't played in forever who drafted a mono-white deck that is beyond bad. He went with the stereotypical life gain with no actual kill condition or threats. As such, his games could last a long time, but he would never concede even though he literally had no chance at winning a game. Since we're on a short clock anyway, this is a problem. Now I don't want to be that guy, but too late. Read some Marx, go to Asia, or do something. Whatever it is, take one for the collective and FUCKING PACK IT IN.
Round 3: Zach
My deck decided to vomit this round, though I certainly didn't help. Game 1 I should have mulliganed to 5 but kept, hoping to draw an Island, which didn't show up until it was too late. Game 2 my opener is 6 lands and Warlord's Axe. I go down to 4 before I get a playable hand. This was a genuinely frustrating game besides the mulligans. I figure out this game that Zach's deck is even more creature-light than mine. So while I have nothing, he is attacking with Viscera Seer only for about four turns. This makes me think I have a chance, as I'm able to draw into some removal and Mana Leak, meaning he has no real pressure. Instead of playing threats while I sit with three land forever, he casts Sign in Blood and Jace's Ingenuity, making sure he has a full grip of goodness. As such, I finally start playing dudes and he plays Aether Adept for three consecutive turns. Yay. I mean, his strategy worked, I would just rather get wrecked quickly rather than slowly. Mind Control and Sleep help too, I hear.
So I'm at 2-1 and am able to draw into the Top 4 reset and we effectively skip the final round, which means we can play to see who gets to split the packs, as we still will not have time for the finals. Ron is first, Zach second, I'm third, and Luke is fourth. So I sit right back down against Zach.
Round 4 (or 5): Zach por el segundo vez.
Game 1 is a terrible flashback, as I mulligan more and he draws creatures. From the life totals, I can see I took him to 18 and then slowly went to zero. Things turn around in Game 2. He mentions early when I play a mountain that he did not know I was playing red from any of the previous three games. The whole game was a race but I had Fireball in my hand and I thought he he didn't know I had it because (FLASHBACK) that was the card I had in my hand that I hid from him. Here's the situation: I have Howling Banshee and six mana in play. He has a guy out that I have Ice Cage on, a Liliana's Specter, and a Cloud Elemental. He's at 7 and I'm at 6. He's tapped out so I decide to go for it. I attack with the Howling Banshee, thinking that it screams trick, though really I'm not sure. He did not have lethal on the board, though he might have had a way to get rid of the Ice Cage. He was running Unsummon and Diminish, but both of those would not have let him kill me the next turn. He could have cast Sign in Blood on me, as I can't remember if he had already played it that game. I think in that situation, with the life totals as they were, I would double block, but I could be thinking too cautiously. He lets it through, goes to 4 and I show him the Fireball. From a completely-admitted asshole/shiteater/worthless fuck perspective, the look on his face was priceless.
So like last week it's one game to decide if I get to give Rob more cards (unless I pull one of the seven or so cards I could sell on ebay) or if I go home with my draft deck only. This game was a nice change of pace, as he draws tricks but no guys and eventually he just can't cope with my board. He resolves Liliana Vess and tutors up Sleep to try and slow me down but my hand is an Exxon station while he's sitting on a few cards in hand and one creature that I have Ice Cage on. I play Liliana's Specter and he pitches Redirect, which seems odd, since that would be good for the Fireball I'm holding. The other card in his hand is a Diminish, which he plays when I attack. At this point we're both at 8 and he has nothing in hand and nothing effective on the board. I untap, ready to attack for five and then drop the Fireball but he concedes. Sadly, he cannot stop from saying about how he had messed up and thrown the game away by discarding Redirect and how I should be dead. The only problem with that logic is he's wrong. I could only Fireball for 4, so if he sends it at me, I just kill him next turn. He could hit my Specter but he couldn't kill my Banshee too because of the 3 toughness and having to pay for the split. Not to mention I had Assassinate and Corrupt (though I couldn't cast it on five mana) and another creature in my hand. I tell him this, letting him know there was nothing he really could have done, and he just keeps saying he threw the game away and I should have lost. Irritating, but I got the packs and opened absolutely nothing of value except a foil Mountain.
It's late and I suck. The end.
Wednesday, September 8, 2010
The Regathering of Magical Things
I have started messing with Magic again, and I think if the playgroup in my weekend location can stick together I will keep with it. I certainly am reading sites and following coverage again, so it feels like it's 2003, except I think I am somewhat better at the game. Anyway, I know one person who used to love to read my 0-2 drop tournament reports and I'm hoping he still does. This was the first draft I had done in 4 years and the first I had done where I really had a semblance of what was happening in 6 years. Here we go with M11 Draft.
I show up to the store and I'm the last person for our crew of 9. Time may pass, but the same goobers still play the game. We've got the guy whose wife is calling him every five minutes wondering where his mom is so she can come pick up their damned kids. We've got the guy who has a totally savage, brutal, burngasm comment after every other person's sentence. We've got the guy talking about his awesome constructed decks before the draft. There's the older guy that doesn't fit in but tries to hoot 'n' holler with the youngans. Then we've got the guy who, God bless him, is just so annoying you can't suffice his existence in a world with any sort of higher power or omnipotent force of good. And then there are the people you can handle. All 3 of them. The draft starts and research just goes out the window. I can watch LSV draft all day on MTGO and think I've got a minor handle on things. What the hell was I thinking? First pick I take a Garruk's Packleader over Sleep. After this I don't remember much because I was seeing cards so late that should be mid-range to high picks that I had no idea what to draft. I think I passed a Serra Angel pick 2 for an Air Servant instead. This is instructional, right? Then I see a Blinding Mage pick 4. I stare at it wondering why it's there. Anyway, I take it just because I want to keep options open figuring white is there. Then I see a Forsee like pick 7 or 8 and scoop it up. I think I get an Azure Drake like 11th and at the end of Pack 1 I have a bunch of G/B/U stuff and a Blinding Mage. After this point I remember nothing specific. I got a Mitotic Slime to go with a Gravedigger along with a Cudgel Troll and Sylvan Ranger, which was good because at this point I was looking at three colors. Pack 3 is good news when I get a Cultivate early and then a second Awakener Druid and Acidic Slime. Just to tell you the level of this table (and I by no means am a good drafter, but still) there was an Assault Griffin that went 14th pick...come on guys, really?
I end up with G/U/B with this list:
2x Barony Vampire,
2x Awakener Druid
2x Lllanowar Elves
1x Azure Drake
1x Yavimaya Wurm
1x Gravedigger
1x Mitotic Slime
1x Royal Assassin
1x Acidic Slime
1x Sylvan Ranger
1x Giant Spider
1x Cudgel Troll
1x Air Servant
1x Gargoyle Sentinel
1x Garruk's Packleader
1x Howling Banshee
1x Jace's Ingenuity
1x Forsee
1x Cultivate
1x Mystifying Maze
8x Forest
5x Island
4x Swamp
The mana might not be correct, as in that may not be the numbers I played and it is probably horribly mis-built from the start. It only ended up being an issue in one game. Also, I only had one 2-drop and possibly too many 4 and 5-drops. Hey, I never said I was good.
Round 1: Guy who was super annoying.
We set down and dude comments that our first names are both Josh. Since I can't make it to the courthouse until Monday to change my name, we start Game 1. His deck is just awful. This will be a mini-theme. He was playing a bunch of terrible cards, the highlight being one of the 2-cost artifacts where you gain life if they cast a certain color spell. Anyway, I just crush him Game 1. Game 2, he at least shows something by getting rid of a guy with Doom Blade. He then has two bad creatures and then shows me the combo of the millennium, Mass Polymorph. Except he hits more terrible guys, one of which was a Liliana's Specter (COMBO, I guess). I crush him again. After the game he tells me he's running Mass Polymorph so he can hit Inferno Titan, which he cannot get into play any other way...yep. As an addendum to this match, here's a nugget of wisdom from this guy before we drafted. He said that there were two cards he would pick no matter his colors or anything if he opened or was passed them: Doom Blade (that's sorta reasonable) and Mana Leak (that's sorta not reasonable).
Round 2: Guy who was his own constructed hype-man.
I knew he had cracked a Grave Titan and a Fauna Shaman, so I was wondering how this would go. Turns out he went mono-black (apparently channeling Frank Karsten from Odyssey block) and his deck was muy mal. Still, he had Grave Titan. Game 1 he plays sub-optimal cards and it's over quick. Game 2 is a little different. I come out a little slow but he stalls out and really has nothing threatening and is stuck on five mana. He hits Swamp #6 and Grave Titan comes out. I start hanging back but he immediately attacks with it next turn. Here's another addendum. This guy sort of reminds me of me when I used to play. Loves the game and makes rough plays and then hates the game. Sure enough I have two guys that can double block and I take out GT. He sort of stares at the board and doesn't understand what's happening. I explain that both my guys will die and so will his. He finally figures it out and is not happy. Earlier he made a similar mistake with Stabbing Pain where he wasted the card and I tried to show him how if he had played the card differently, it would benefit him. I gave him the option to back up and he refused, which further reminds me of myself because I used to blatantly screw up, be told what I did wrong, and then just get pissed and never learn. Anyway, enough with the after school special. I come back soon and win.
Game 3: Ron Trauma
Ron was the best player there and a nice dude as the de facto runner of things. I thought his deck was a little janky but he showed me in the end. Game 1 the board gets cluttered but I have Packleader and eventually I overwhelm him. Game 2 I have mana issues and he takes me out quick. Game 3 is disappointing because I think if I get through Ron I could go undefeated but I keep a slow hand and he gets Fire Servant out on the table, which I know is bad because he has plenty of burn. Chandra's Outrage takes out my best guy and I take four, he then Flings a guy at me for 6 and then Fireball comes straight to the dome for like 100. Addendum #3: Ron's last name is not Trauma, but that is his wrestling name. Yes, he is a former local pro wrestler who packed it in but still works the show as a commentator and manager. So to me he is Ron Trauma. Why do I know this? I went to a show he was at. Yes, legions, whenever I drop my frequent cultural elitism, remember I have attended a local pro wrestling show and am full of shit.
Game 4: Luke, who I didn't mention earlier. He got hit by a car like a year ago, got a bunch of money and spent it all because he doesn't understand scarcity. He was there drafting because he had taken money from his girlfriend to pay bills and instead invested it in WOTC's product.
Luke had a U/W deck but his cards weren't that great. I think in every game he attacked into my empty board on turn three and cast Mighty Leap to get in that extra two to the face. Game 1 he just runs out of cards after casting what I swear was every physical copy of Unsummon in the world and it's over. Game two I stall on mana and he's able to clog up the board and then drops a Blinding Mage, allowing him to tap down the creature I needed to survive a turn later. We go to Game 3 and Ron lets us know since we have the fortune to play in a place that is not where we get the cards and closes at 10 pm, we have about fifteen minutes to finish up and the winner will split the prize in the finals. Game 3 gets pretty tight. He gets out some guys and I'm light on action. I'm down to 8 and he has more guys on board than I do. He untaps and drops Inspired Charge, the last card in hand, before I declare blockers...uhh? I was planning on chumping anyway, but now he gets nothing and even loses guys. On the next turn I'm able to drop Azure Drake and get Howling Banshee back with Gravedigger. I'm hesitant about playing the Banshee, which will take me down to 3, but I figure it's my path to victory as he has no flying blockers. A few turns later he concedes when he still has a turn to live. I get 9 packs. Addendum #4: Luke acted like he either hadn't slept in a week or was going through withdrawal from narcotics. Paying attention and moving seemed to be a chore. He also seems prone to thinking he's a man out of time, as about half his vocabulary comes from the movie Grease.
The perfect ending to this story? I got home and spilled Diet Mountain Dew all over my deck. Thankfully there was nothing good in there. This whole report was unnecessary, but fun. Hopefully I do it again next week.
I show up to the store and I'm the last person for our crew of 9. Time may pass, but the same goobers still play the game. We've got the guy whose wife is calling him every five minutes wondering where his mom is so she can come pick up their damned kids. We've got the guy who has a totally savage, brutal, burngasm comment after every other person's sentence. We've got the guy talking about his awesome constructed decks before the draft. There's the older guy that doesn't fit in but tries to hoot 'n' holler with the youngans. Then we've got the guy who, God bless him, is just so annoying you can't suffice his existence in a world with any sort of higher power or omnipotent force of good. And then there are the people you can handle. All 3 of them. The draft starts and research just goes out the window. I can watch LSV draft all day on MTGO and think I've got a minor handle on things. What the hell was I thinking? First pick I take a Garruk's Packleader over Sleep. After this I don't remember much because I was seeing cards so late that should be mid-range to high picks that I had no idea what to draft. I think I passed a Serra Angel pick 2 for an Air Servant instead. This is instructional, right? Then I see a Blinding Mage pick 4. I stare at it wondering why it's there. Anyway, I take it just because I want to keep options open figuring white is there. Then I see a Forsee like pick 7 or 8 and scoop it up. I think I get an Azure Drake like 11th and at the end of Pack 1 I have a bunch of G/B/U stuff and a Blinding Mage. After this point I remember nothing specific. I got a Mitotic Slime to go with a Gravedigger along with a Cudgel Troll and Sylvan Ranger, which was good because at this point I was looking at three colors. Pack 3 is good news when I get a Cultivate early and then a second Awakener Druid and Acidic Slime. Just to tell you the level of this table (and I by no means am a good drafter, but still) there was an Assault Griffin that went 14th pick...come on guys, really?
I end up with G/U/B with this list:
2x Barony Vampire,
2x Awakener Druid
2x Lllanowar Elves
1x Azure Drake
1x Yavimaya Wurm
1x Gravedigger
1x Mitotic Slime
1x Royal Assassin
1x Acidic Slime
1x Sylvan Ranger
1x Giant Spider
1x Cudgel Troll
1x Air Servant
1x Gargoyle Sentinel
1x Garruk's Packleader
1x Howling Banshee
1x Jace's Ingenuity
1x Forsee
1x Cultivate
1x Mystifying Maze
8x Forest
5x Island
4x Swamp
The mana might not be correct, as in that may not be the numbers I played and it is probably horribly mis-built from the start. It only ended up being an issue in one game. Also, I only had one 2-drop and possibly too many 4 and 5-drops. Hey, I never said I was good.
Round 1: Guy who was super annoying.
We set down and dude comments that our first names are both Josh. Since I can't make it to the courthouse until Monday to change my name, we start Game 1. His deck is just awful. This will be a mini-theme. He was playing a bunch of terrible cards, the highlight being one of the 2-cost artifacts where you gain life if they cast a certain color spell. Anyway, I just crush him Game 1. Game 2, he at least shows something by getting rid of a guy with Doom Blade. He then has two bad creatures and then shows me the combo of the millennium, Mass Polymorph. Except he hits more terrible guys, one of which was a Liliana's Specter (COMBO, I guess). I crush him again. After the game he tells me he's running Mass Polymorph so he can hit Inferno Titan, which he cannot get into play any other way...yep. As an addendum to this match, here's a nugget of wisdom from this guy before we drafted. He said that there were two cards he would pick no matter his colors or anything if he opened or was passed them: Doom Blade (that's sorta reasonable) and Mana Leak (that's sorta not reasonable).
Round 2: Guy who was his own constructed hype-man.
I knew he had cracked a Grave Titan and a Fauna Shaman, so I was wondering how this would go. Turns out he went mono-black (apparently channeling Frank Karsten from Odyssey block) and his deck was muy mal. Still, he had Grave Titan. Game 1 he plays sub-optimal cards and it's over quick. Game 2 is a little different. I come out a little slow but he stalls out and really has nothing threatening and is stuck on five mana. He hits Swamp #6 and Grave Titan comes out. I start hanging back but he immediately attacks with it next turn. Here's another addendum. This guy sort of reminds me of me when I used to play. Loves the game and makes rough plays and then hates the game. Sure enough I have two guys that can double block and I take out GT. He sort of stares at the board and doesn't understand what's happening. I explain that both my guys will die and so will his. He finally figures it out and is not happy. Earlier he made a similar mistake with Stabbing Pain where he wasted the card and I tried to show him how if he had played the card differently, it would benefit him. I gave him the option to back up and he refused, which further reminds me of myself because I used to blatantly screw up, be told what I did wrong, and then just get pissed and never learn. Anyway, enough with the after school special. I come back soon and win.
Game 3: Ron Trauma
Ron was the best player there and a nice dude as the de facto runner of things. I thought his deck was a little janky but he showed me in the end. Game 1 the board gets cluttered but I have Packleader and eventually I overwhelm him. Game 2 I have mana issues and he takes me out quick. Game 3 is disappointing because I think if I get through Ron I could go undefeated but I keep a slow hand and he gets Fire Servant out on the table, which I know is bad because he has plenty of burn. Chandra's Outrage takes out my best guy and I take four, he then Flings a guy at me for 6 and then Fireball comes straight to the dome for like 100. Addendum #3: Ron's last name is not Trauma, but that is his wrestling name. Yes, he is a former local pro wrestler who packed it in but still works the show as a commentator and manager. So to me he is Ron Trauma. Why do I know this? I went to a show he was at. Yes, legions, whenever I drop my frequent cultural elitism, remember I have attended a local pro wrestling show and am full of shit.
Game 4: Luke, who I didn't mention earlier. He got hit by a car like a year ago, got a bunch of money and spent it all because he doesn't understand scarcity. He was there drafting because he had taken money from his girlfriend to pay bills and instead invested it in WOTC's product.
Luke had a U/W deck but his cards weren't that great. I think in every game he attacked into my empty board on turn three and cast Mighty Leap to get in that extra two to the face. Game 1 he just runs out of cards after casting what I swear was every physical copy of Unsummon in the world and it's over. Game two I stall on mana and he's able to clog up the board and then drops a Blinding Mage, allowing him to tap down the creature I needed to survive a turn later. We go to Game 3 and Ron lets us know since we have the fortune to play in a place that is not where we get the cards and closes at 10 pm, we have about fifteen minutes to finish up and the winner will split the prize in the finals. Game 3 gets pretty tight. He gets out some guys and I'm light on action. I'm down to 8 and he has more guys on board than I do. He untaps and drops Inspired Charge, the last card in hand, before I declare blockers...uhh? I was planning on chumping anyway, but now he gets nothing and even loses guys. On the next turn I'm able to drop Azure Drake and get Howling Banshee back with Gravedigger. I'm hesitant about playing the Banshee, which will take me down to 3, but I figure it's my path to victory as he has no flying blockers. A few turns later he concedes when he still has a turn to live. I get 9 packs. Addendum #4: Luke acted like he either hadn't slept in a week or was going through withdrawal from narcotics. Paying attention and moving seemed to be a chore. He also seems prone to thinking he's a man out of time, as about half his vocabulary comes from the movie Grease.
The perfect ending to this story? I got home and spilled Diet Mountain Dew all over my deck. Thankfully there was nothing good in there. This whole report was unnecessary, but fun. Hopefully I do it again next week.
Monday, May 24, 2010
Favorite Music of 2009
Almost six months late, here are my favorite slabs of new music from last year. Noticed there is no "best-of" or "top" monikers, because someone with the limited access and musical vocabulary as myself needs to limit hyperbole.
In no particular order:
Revocation - "Existence is Futile"
Everyone characterizes this as thrash metal, but it always seemed more like a mix between old-school death metal and melodic death metal. There's no keyboards or clean singing, but it doesn't have the brutality of Morbid Angel or Death. I probably just can't categorize music. No matter the genre, this album knocked me on my ass. The songwriting is tight and the whole band contributes cleanly in the mix. Quasi-jazz breakdowns get thrown in and the songs have grooves but never get boring. I've heard that this album isn't a huge step up from their first and that the second half is much stronger than the first but I disagree. The songs seem more focused here than on "Empire of the Obscene" and overall I think the first half is stronger, but the whole thing is excellent.
Favorite track - "Deathonomics"
Cormorant - "Metazoa"
I started checking out more unsigned/obscure bands this past year and Cormorant (along with Iron Thrones, whose album came out in 2008 or else it would be on here) was one of the best finds. They have a really nice progressive black metal sound going on, but with some serious hooks and melodies. The average song length is around seven minutes but all the tracks fly by they're so good. This album was the first I bought a physical copy of in probably five years. I've completely shifted to digital music, but had to have this record so bad I bought the CD because I couldn't find it for download. You should too.
Favorite track - "Blood on the Cornfields"
Baroness - "Blue Record"
Did I come up with the term Post-Appalachian Sludge to describe Baroness? I can't remember and it is probably a misnomer, but I like it damn it. I find this weaker than their previous titan of a release, The Red Album, but this is still a great collection of stoner rock that crushes you with riff after riff as John Baizely curdles you ears with his Georgian shouts and screams. I'm not sure how I feel about the repeated melody that runs throughout, though it is quite beautiful.
Favorite track - "Swollen and Halo"
Centaurus-A - "Side Effects Expected"
This is my "doesn't change or innovate but still still rocks" pick. These guys dropped an acceptable modern death metal release. The standout here is the lead work, which flows to soaring heights that only Revocation equaled. Seriously, the solos are downright awesome. The real bummer is the production, with the guitars sounding artificial and stagnant and the drums being the definition of over-produced. Hopefully they can get a better mix and work on diversifying their songs, because they've got real potential.
Favorite track - "The Praying Mantis"
Saviours - "Accelerated Living"
By and large, I've avoided the "re-thrash" movement because it all blends together for me. The one exception was Saviours, a band I'm glad I took a chance on. In addition to being a straight-ahead steamroller of an album, the high point is the production, which is some of the best I've heard on a modern metal album. It sounds so raw, but not in an 80s sort of way. No, this is something I thought I'd never hear: purely synthetic nostalgia that slays.
Favorite track - "Slave to the Hex"
Mastodon - "Crack the Skye"
Revelation: I've never been a big Mastodon fan. So yes, if you're on of their fans that thinks they betrayed their real sound and sold out to the masses, I'm your nemesis. What I always heard was a bunch of half-realized riffs and a band running on pure energy. Sure, they had songs I could get into, but with Crack the Skye they ditched all that and made a complete record, dare I say a prog-metal masterpiece. When Brett Hinds (I hope) sang "Spiraling up through the crack in the skye" it was like I literally had come online, fully awake and ready to view Rasputin through a wormhole.
Favorite track - "The Czar"
Kylesa - "Static Tensions"
Two drummers in a sludge band? Seemed a bit unnecessary, but I'll check it out. Turns out the rhythms turn into a lulling feeling that somehow never gets undone by the harsh-ish vocals. Outside of that, I don't have much to say. Just listen to this is you like metal, because it's that damn good.
Favorite track - "To Walk Alone"
Between the Buried and Me - "The Great Misdirect"
Are they still a band where the moments tend to overwhelm the whole? You bet, but when the moments are this good, just shut up and listen. I still think they've yet to write their best material, which is kind of scary. One definite upgrade from "Colors?" The vocals, which seem much stronger and varied than before, where they just plodded into the background of everything else. Besides Cynic, there's not a band whose next album I can't wait to hear more.
Favorite track - I'm going to cheat and say that "Swim to the Moon" and "Disease, Injury, Madness" tie.
Devin Townsend Project - "Ki" and "Addicted"
I've never gotten into Strapping Young Lad or listened to much of his previous solo efforts, but I think it would be hard to find a guy more respected by such a wide variety of people. The guy personifies credibility. Since I follow metal on the internet, it would've been impossible to not check these releases out. The first two parts of a planned quartet of albums, "Ki" is the mellow, restrained lead-in to the heavier, catchy, and at times ridiculously poppy sound of "Addicted." They're both great and a testament to how talented Townsend and his associates are, as well as how easily he can switch sounds.
Favorite track - "Trainfire" from "Ki" and "Hyperdrive!" from "Addicted"
Porcupine Tree - "The Incident"
The fact that I had to think for a few seconds what the title of this was is probably the best sign that of the the past tens years or so, this is my least favorite release of Steven Wilson's biggest project. Originally I was excited as can be that the album would be one single huge track, no breaks or explained movements. I still haven't figured out if I just misrepresented what was reported, but the album instead is split up into fourteen tracks. Too many of them are short interludes that are unfortunately forgettable and feel like a void on the work as a whole. There really are only two tracks that stand out to me, with Wilson showing again that he can write a haunting ending like no one else. They're still one of my favorite bands ever, but this was a a disappointment. Still, I'll listen to whatever they release.
Favorite track - "I Drive the Hearse"
There it is. I probably missed all the good albums.
In no particular order:
Revocation - "Existence is Futile"
Everyone characterizes this as thrash metal, but it always seemed more like a mix between old-school death metal and melodic death metal. There's no keyboards or clean singing, but it doesn't have the brutality of Morbid Angel or Death. I probably just can't categorize music. No matter the genre, this album knocked me on my ass. The songwriting is tight and the whole band contributes cleanly in the mix. Quasi-jazz breakdowns get thrown in and the songs have grooves but never get boring. I've heard that this album isn't a huge step up from their first and that the second half is much stronger than the first but I disagree. The songs seem more focused here than on "Empire of the Obscene" and overall I think the first half is stronger, but the whole thing is excellent.
Favorite track - "Deathonomics"
Cormorant - "Metazoa"
I started checking out more unsigned/obscure bands this past year and Cormorant (along with Iron Thrones, whose album came out in 2008 or else it would be on here) was one of the best finds. They have a really nice progressive black metal sound going on, but with some serious hooks and melodies. The average song length is around seven minutes but all the tracks fly by they're so good. This album was the first I bought a physical copy of in probably five years. I've completely shifted to digital music, but had to have this record so bad I bought the CD because I couldn't find it for download. You should too.
Favorite track - "Blood on the Cornfields"
Baroness - "Blue Record"
Did I come up with the term Post-Appalachian Sludge to describe Baroness? I can't remember and it is probably a misnomer, but I like it damn it. I find this weaker than their previous titan of a release, The Red Album, but this is still a great collection of stoner rock that crushes you with riff after riff as John Baizely curdles you ears with his Georgian shouts and screams. I'm not sure how I feel about the repeated melody that runs throughout, though it is quite beautiful.
Favorite track - "Swollen and Halo"
Centaurus-A - "Side Effects Expected"
This is my "doesn't change or innovate but still still rocks" pick. These guys dropped an acceptable modern death metal release. The standout here is the lead work, which flows to soaring heights that only Revocation equaled. Seriously, the solos are downright awesome. The real bummer is the production, with the guitars sounding artificial and stagnant and the drums being the definition of over-produced. Hopefully they can get a better mix and work on diversifying their songs, because they've got real potential.
Favorite track - "The Praying Mantis"
Saviours - "Accelerated Living"
By and large, I've avoided the "re-thrash" movement because it all blends together for me. The one exception was Saviours, a band I'm glad I took a chance on. In addition to being a straight-ahead steamroller of an album, the high point is the production, which is some of the best I've heard on a modern metal album. It sounds so raw, but not in an 80s sort of way. No, this is something I thought I'd never hear: purely synthetic nostalgia that slays.
Favorite track - "Slave to the Hex"
Mastodon - "Crack the Skye"
Revelation: I've never been a big Mastodon fan. So yes, if you're on of their fans that thinks they betrayed their real sound and sold out to the masses, I'm your nemesis. What I always heard was a bunch of half-realized riffs and a band running on pure energy. Sure, they had songs I could get into, but with Crack the Skye they ditched all that and made a complete record, dare I say a prog-metal masterpiece. When Brett Hinds (I hope) sang "Spiraling up through the crack in the skye" it was like I literally had come online, fully awake and ready to view Rasputin through a wormhole.
Favorite track - "The Czar"
Kylesa - "Static Tensions"
Two drummers in a sludge band? Seemed a bit unnecessary, but I'll check it out. Turns out the rhythms turn into a lulling feeling that somehow never gets undone by the harsh-ish vocals. Outside of that, I don't have much to say. Just listen to this is you like metal, because it's that damn good.
Favorite track - "To Walk Alone"
Between the Buried and Me - "The Great Misdirect"
Are they still a band where the moments tend to overwhelm the whole? You bet, but when the moments are this good, just shut up and listen. I still think they've yet to write their best material, which is kind of scary. One definite upgrade from "Colors?" The vocals, which seem much stronger and varied than before, where they just plodded into the background of everything else. Besides Cynic, there's not a band whose next album I can't wait to hear more.
Favorite track - I'm going to cheat and say that "Swim to the Moon" and "Disease, Injury, Madness" tie.
Devin Townsend Project - "Ki" and "Addicted"
I've never gotten into Strapping Young Lad or listened to much of his previous solo efforts, but I think it would be hard to find a guy more respected by such a wide variety of people. The guy personifies credibility. Since I follow metal on the internet, it would've been impossible to not check these releases out. The first two parts of a planned quartet of albums, "Ki" is the mellow, restrained lead-in to the heavier, catchy, and at times ridiculously poppy sound of "Addicted." They're both great and a testament to how talented Townsend and his associates are, as well as how easily he can switch sounds.
Favorite track - "Trainfire" from "Ki" and "Hyperdrive!" from "Addicted"
Porcupine Tree - "The Incident"
The fact that I had to think for a few seconds what the title of this was is probably the best sign that of the the past tens years or so, this is my least favorite release of Steven Wilson's biggest project. Originally I was excited as can be that the album would be one single huge track, no breaks or explained movements. I still haven't figured out if I just misrepresented what was reported, but the album instead is split up into fourteen tracks. Too many of them are short interludes that are unfortunately forgettable and feel like a void on the work as a whole. There really are only two tracks that stand out to me, with Wilson showing again that he can write a haunting ending like no one else. They're still one of my favorite bands ever, but this was a a disappointment. Still, I'll listen to whatever they release.
Favorite track - "I Drive the Hearse"
There it is. I probably missed all the good albums.
Wednesday, April 21, 2010
C2E2 Report
I don't think I've ever written a con report, or at least published one. In honor of the first new con in Chicago in several years, I'm going to do this shit. One glaring flaw is that I took a record-low amount of photos, less than ten, so you'll just have to believe what I'm saying. I would imagine anyone that is reading this was probably there with me, so that disclaimer is pointless.
A little background: I attended Wizard's Chicago show from 2005-2009. Some years were better than others. Even at its most diverse, it's focus was always on Marvel and DC. As I gradually moved away from being exclusively in that territory, the show offered me less and less, but there were always things to look forward to and it always functioned as a vacation and a chance to hang out with friends, some who I rarely saw outside the trip. Unfortunately, the bottom fell out of Wizard's downward slope last year. Their strategy switched from comics to random media guests. Now I know all about how outside groups have been brought into comic conventions, often turning them into more of a general pop culture gathering than one for comics only. But in Wizard's case, they abandoned the comics part greatly. Marvel and DC weren't even there, which for a show that catered significantly to them and their fans, was downright baffling. Add to this Wizard's inability to bring in fresh guests and you had an event that I didn't feel like was worth driving six hours for and paying $60 to experience. As a group, we collectively decided we were done with Wizardworld.
At the time, Reed Exhibitions had announced they were going to bring a con to Chicago in 2010 but not much was known about it. However, judging from the quick rise of the New York Comic-Con that they ran, I had high hopes. As more details became available, my friends and I decided that C2E2 made more sense. I had a few problems with the scheduling due to school but was able to overcome them and I'm glad I did. I think it was a good first showing that has potential to only get better in the coming years.
Some specific points.
- There was a good variety and number of publishers there. Marvel, DC, Image, Dark Horse, Boom!, Oni, Top Shelf, and Avatar all had booths. While I would love to see Fantagraphics or PictureBox, those companies are never going to come to a show like this. Pantheon was supposed to have a presence of some sort, but that didn't happen for reasons I'll get into later. There was a section on the floor dedicated to webcomics that saw heavy traffic also.
- Significant creator presence. In particular, they were creators there that had been at Wizard shows once or twice in the past and would have been established as a draw. The difference here was, they were all at this show. For a core Marvel/DC superhero fan, this show had a massive list of big names. In addition to that, Mike Mignola and Jeff Smith filled enough of a quasi-indie niche to show that the organizers aren't only thinking about one group. Also, Chris Ware (!) and Dash Shaw being present is a big deal period. Ware was only there for one hour and Shaw was in limbo the whole weekend (I'm getting there) but still: Chris Ware and Dash Shaw! Hopefully more people in the vein of the last group are continually recruited.
- The show is focused on comics. Sure, there were non-comics entities there. Art schools, Nintendo, and even a tattoo conglomerate had set up shop. But by and large, comics ruled the day. There were hardly any D-list celebrities there and outside the Kick-Ass premiere and a Doctor Who screening, there was really very little movie or television presence. Will this change in the coming years? Probably, but that doesn't mean we shouldn't appreciate it now.
- Much smaller than I expected. I'd guess this is more a product of first-year jitters than anything else. The show floor was smaller than the one in Rosemont for Wizard's show and there was still a good amount of open space. Even though there were more publishers, there were a lot less retailers than at past cons. Artist's Alley seemed about comparable. Attendance wasn't high either. Saturday was the busiest day as usual, but even then walking around wasn't too cumbersome. The thing is, I like all that just fine. The show had a pretty relaxed atmosphere, that while probably nothing like MoCCA or Heroes Con, still was pretty refreshing.
Beyond this, there is a multitude of small things I want to nitpick about. First, McCormick Place, where the show was, is in BFE. When I heard the location was going to be actually in Chicago instead of in Rosemont, I figured this meant downtown. Not exactly. McCormick Place basically was dropped on a huge piece of land right off the interstate. There is nothing around it. On Friday, we drove around for over an hour trying to find something to eat. Turns out there aren't any restaurants in the surrounding area, or at least we couldn't find any, with a GPS. On Sunday, we just decided to eat in Rosemont, where we staying, before heading to the con to avoid previous headaches. Secondly, the show was organized somewhat poorly. Part of this is that it was the first year, and both the attendees and the staff have to get used to everything, but beyond that some odd choices were made. We were often directed into rooms we could have easily avoided, and lines into the show were micromanaged to the point of futility. McCormick Place itself is confusing. Hopefully most of this will be better for both sides in the coming years as everyone settles in. Lastly, some of the staff were overly adamant and aggressive, but that has been the case for six years straight. Still, it's not necessary to yell at people to move forward when the person in front of them has taken five steps. Just sayin'.
Here's most of my haul.
It was another light year for me, as school and a pending trip to Germany in the summer are getting most of my money. Still, I'm happy with what I got. I found Boy's Club #2 and 3 along with Ganges #3 at the Chicago Comics booth. Always happy to support them after I visited their excellent store last year. I talked with Guy Davis for a bit in Artist's Alley and bought his sketchbook. I'm usually not a fan of con sketchbooks, as them seem hastily put together and I rarely give them a second look, but Davis's is nice. It's bound, bigger, and has a wide variety of art, along with quite a bit of interior writing and commentary, something missing from almost every other sketchbook I've looked at. Also ran into Matt Kindt for the third year in a row at the Top Shelf booth, where I got his new Super-Spy collection. I loved Super-Spy and bought this on the spot. Kindt unknowingly gave even more firepower to my obsession with eye patches by sketching one of the characters with one on the inside cover. I also bought almost all the Hellboy and BPRD trades I was missing, but didn't feel like including them, and I really don't know why. They're awesome though, trust me.
Prints and sketches have taken a hit in the past few years, as even the smaller artists I care about have been getting more popular and started charging more for their talents. Good for them I say. Guy Davis did the quick Lobster Johnson for me when I bought his sketchbook. The Seaguy was done by Cameron Stewart, who I didn't even know was going to be at the show until he was invited up on stage during a panel previewing a documentary on Grant Morrison. While I was at his table, a guy came up and asked if he could pencil a drawing of Batman on his leg that would be used as an outline for a tattoo. Stewart was reluctant, especially to draw it straight onto the guy. However, thanks to the internet I found the ending to this story. He drew it out on paper and gave it to the guy, who then did get the tattoo, which you can see here (went for the arm instead).
Special mention has got to go to these bad boys, courtesy of Cliff Chiang. I had seen these on his website and forgotten about them, but at $20 for both, how could I not buy them?
The thing that I'm most disappointed to not have in any of the pictures is a copy of Dash Shaw's new book Bodyworld. Originally serialized and still available as a webcomic on his website, it's this crazy soap-opera/sci-fi story that was unlike anything I'd ever read. The pictures of the book I've seen are gorgeous and it was the thing I was most looking forward to buying, not to mention actually meeting Shaw, whose other book, The Unclothed Man in the 35th Century AD, had some excellent stories from his MOME and animation work as well. Sadly, Shaw didn't really have a presence at the show. He was on a panel with Chip Kidd and Chris Ware that I attended, but after that I searched for the Pantheon booth and couldn't find it. I was dismayed that they weren't in the show program even though they had been listed on the website. Randomly enough on Saturday, while setting on the floor in the cafeteria, I saw Shaw walking through the room. Funnily, my foot was asleep, so I couldn't catch up to him before he went outside. I didn't feel like walking outside and interrupting his phone conversation, so I stalker-esque waited for him. I ended up letting him back inside as the doors in that area lock from the inside (I didn't get it either) and talking to him from there. I hope he didn't think I was some nutball, but he was the person I was most looking forward to seeing. He went on to inform me that there had been a mixup and Pantheon had no exhibitor space or any of their product at the show, so he was basically screwed. We ended up setting in the cafeteria and talking about all kinds of random comics stuff for about a half hour. He signed my copy of Unclothed Man and drew some nice pen sketches on the inside. While I felt bad he didn't have any presence at the show, I likely wouldn't have gotten to talk to him on such an intimate level if he had. It's easily the coolest thing that's ever happened to me at a con, getting to talk to a guy who really is one of the most interesting and visionary new cartoonists in comics.
Overall, C2E2 was a grand ol' time. The show was leagues better than any of the Wizard shows and has the potential to get even better in the years to come. With some luck I'll be there to experience some of them.
A little background: I attended Wizard's Chicago show from 2005-2009. Some years were better than others. Even at its most diverse, it's focus was always on Marvel and DC. As I gradually moved away from being exclusively in that territory, the show offered me less and less, but there were always things to look forward to and it always functioned as a vacation and a chance to hang out with friends, some who I rarely saw outside the trip. Unfortunately, the bottom fell out of Wizard's downward slope last year. Their strategy switched from comics to random media guests. Now I know all about how outside groups have been brought into comic conventions, often turning them into more of a general pop culture gathering than one for comics only. But in Wizard's case, they abandoned the comics part greatly. Marvel and DC weren't even there, which for a show that catered significantly to them and their fans, was downright baffling. Add to this Wizard's inability to bring in fresh guests and you had an event that I didn't feel like was worth driving six hours for and paying $60 to experience. As a group, we collectively decided we were done with Wizardworld.
At the time, Reed Exhibitions had announced they were going to bring a con to Chicago in 2010 but not much was known about it. However, judging from the quick rise of the New York Comic-Con that they ran, I had high hopes. As more details became available, my friends and I decided that C2E2 made more sense. I had a few problems with the scheduling due to school but was able to overcome them and I'm glad I did. I think it was a good first showing that has potential to only get better in the coming years.
Some specific points.
- There was a good variety and number of publishers there. Marvel, DC, Image, Dark Horse, Boom!, Oni, Top Shelf, and Avatar all had booths. While I would love to see Fantagraphics or PictureBox, those companies are never going to come to a show like this. Pantheon was supposed to have a presence of some sort, but that didn't happen for reasons I'll get into later. There was a section on the floor dedicated to webcomics that saw heavy traffic also.
- Significant creator presence. In particular, they were creators there that had been at Wizard shows once or twice in the past and would have been established as a draw. The difference here was, they were all at this show. For a core Marvel/DC superhero fan, this show had a massive list of big names. In addition to that, Mike Mignola and Jeff Smith filled enough of a quasi-indie niche to show that the organizers aren't only thinking about one group. Also, Chris Ware (!) and Dash Shaw being present is a big deal period. Ware was only there for one hour and Shaw was in limbo the whole weekend (I'm getting there) but still: Chris Ware and Dash Shaw! Hopefully more people in the vein of the last group are continually recruited.
- The show is focused on comics. Sure, there were non-comics entities there. Art schools, Nintendo, and even a tattoo conglomerate had set up shop. But by and large, comics ruled the day. There were hardly any D-list celebrities there and outside the Kick-Ass premiere and a Doctor Who screening, there was really very little movie or television presence. Will this change in the coming years? Probably, but that doesn't mean we shouldn't appreciate it now.
- Much smaller than I expected. I'd guess this is more a product of first-year jitters than anything else. The show floor was smaller than the one in Rosemont for Wizard's show and there was still a good amount of open space. Even though there were more publishers, there were a lot less retailers than at past cons. Artist's Alley seemed about comparable. Attendance wasn't high either. Saturday was the busiest day as usual, but even then walking around wasn't too cumbersome. The thing is, I like all that just fine. The show had a pretty relaxed atmosphere, that while probably nothing like MoCCA or Heroes Con, still was pretty refreshing.
Beyond this, there is a multitude of small things I want to nitpick about. First, McCormick Place, where the show was, is in BFE. When I heard the location was going to be actually in Chicago instead of in Rosemont, I figured this meant downtown. Not exactly. McCormick Place basically was dropped on a huge piece of land right off the interstate. There is nothing around it. On Friday, we drove around for over an hour trying to find something to eat. Turns out there aren't any restaurants in the surrounding area, or at least we couldn't find any, with a GPS. On Sunday, we just decided to eat in Rosemont, where we staying, before heading to the con to avoid previous headaches. Secondly, the show was organized somewhat poorly. Part of this is that it was the first year, and both the attendees and the staff have to get used to everything, but beyond that some odd choices were made. We were often directed into rooms we could have easily avoided, and lines into the show were micromanaged to the point of futility. McCormick Place itself is confusing. Hopefully most of this will be better for both sides in the coming years as everyone settles in. Lastly, some of the staff were overly adamant and aggressive, but that has been the case for six years straight. Still, it's not necessary to yell at people to move forward when the person in front of them has taken five steps. Just sayin'.
Here's most of my haul.
It was another light year for me, as school and a pending trip to Germany in the summer are getting most of my money. Still, I'm happy with what I got. I found Boy's Club #2 and 3 along with Ganges #3 at the Chicago Comics booth. Always happy to support them after I visited their excellent store last year. I talked with Guy Davis for a bit in Artist's Alley and bought his sketchbook. I'm usually not a fan of con sketchbooks, as them seem hastily put together and I rarely give them a second look, but Davis's is nice. It's bound, bigger, and has a wide variety of art, along with quite a bit of interior writing and commentary, something missing from almost every other sketchbook I've looked at. Also ran into Matt Kindt for the third year in a row at the Top Shelf booth, where I got his new Super-Spy collection. I loved Super-Spy and bought this on the spot. Kindt unknowingly gave even more firepower to my obsession with eye patches by sketching one of the characters with one on the inside cover. I also bought almost all the Hellboy and BPRD trades I was missing, but didn't feel like including them, and I really don't know why. They're awesome though, trust me.
Prints and sketches have taken a hit in the past few years, as even the smaller artists I care about have been getting more popular and started charging more for their talents. Good for them I say. Guy Davis did the quick Lobster Johnson for me when I bought his sketchbook. The Seaguy was done by Cameron Stewart, who I didn't even know was going to be at the show until he was invited up on stage during a panel previewing a documentary on Grant Morrison. While I was at his table, a guy came up and asked if he could pencil a drawing of Batman on his leg that would be used as an outline for a tattoo. Stewart was reluctant, especially to draw it straight onto the guy. However, thanks to the internet I found the ending to this story. He drew it out on paper and gave it to the guy, who then did get the tattoo, which you can see here (went for the arm instead).
Special mention has got to go to these bad boys, courtesy of Cliff Chiang. I had seen these on his website and forgotten about them, but at $20 for both, how could I not buy them?
The thing that I'm most disappointed to not have in any of the pictures is a copy of Dash Shaw's new book Bodyworld. Originally serialized and still available as a webcomic on his website, it's this crazy soap-opera/sci-fi story that was unlike anything I'd ever read. The pictures of the book I've seen are gorgeous and it was the thing I was most looking forward to buying, not to mention actually meeting Shaw, whose other book, The Unclothed Man in the 35th Century AD, had some excellent stories from his MOME and animation work as well. Sadly, Shaw didn't really have a presence at the show. He was on a panel with Chip Kidd and Chris Ware that I attended, but after that I searched for the Pantheon booth and couldn't find it. I was dismayed that they weren't in the show program even though they had been listed on the website. Randomly enough on Saturday, while setting on the floor in the cafeteria, I saw Shaw walking through the room. Funnily, my foot was asleep, so I couldn't catch up to him before he went outside. I didn't feel like walking outside and interrupting his phone conversation, so I stalker-esque waited for him. I ended up letting him back inside as the doors in that area lock from the inside (I didn't get it either) and talking to him from there. I hope he didn't think I was some nutball, but he was the person I was most looking forward to seeing. He went on to inform me that there had been a mixup and Pantheon had no exhibitor space or any of their product at the show, so he was basically screwed. We ended up setting in the cafeteria and talking about all kinds of random comics stuff for about a half hour. He signed my copy of Unclothed Man and drew some nice pen sketches on the inside. While I felt bad he didn't have any presence at the show, I likely wouldn't have gotten to talk to him on such an intimate level if he had. It's easily the coolest thing that's ever happened to me at a con, getting to talk to a guy who really is one of the most interesting and visionary new cartoonists in comics.
Overall, C2E2 was a grand ol' time. The show was leagues better than any of the Wizard shows and has the potential to get even better in the years to come. With some luck I'll be there to experience some of them.
Tuesday, March 30, 2010
Fight Night Picks
Nate Quarry vs Jorge Rivera - Two guys nearing the end of the career that have put together winning streaks, but I see Quarry as the favorite. I think his wrestling will be too much for Rivera and he should control the fight handily. Guessing a TKO by ground and pound.
Ross Pearson vs Dennis Siver - Here's a potential fight of the night. Pearson looked excellent in his proper UFC debut, putting on a striking clinic against Aaron Riley. Siver has won four in a row, two by highlight-reel spinning back kick knockout. Both these guys can go hard, but I'm feeling Pearson by TKO, but I could see this one going the distance and being close.
Roy Nelson vs Stefan Struve - Still gunning for that Burger King endorsement, Big Country tries to topple the Skyscraper. I should write for MMA websites. Anyway, I just don't see Struve being able to do anything against Nelson's weight advantage and substantial grappling ability. Nelson's striking has received attention after his knockout of Brendan Schaub, and Struve will have to use his reach to keep Nelson on the outside or he'll have that to worry about too. I would say Nelson will have to watch Struve's length on the ground, but I think Nelson is too sharp for that. Nelson by TKO.
Kenny Florian vs Takanori Gomi - Hmm, I'm still trying to figure out why the UFC signed Gomi. The guy is a legend, but he hasn't been relevant in what, three years? He was always so popular in Japan that the only way he would ever fight outside the country would have to be in some promotional swap (like Aoki is doing with Strikeforce) or if he had faded away. Does the UFC think Gomi has revitalized his career and can make a run at the lightweight belt and get a rematch with BJ Penn? (Incidentally, did you know Penn has not been taken down by a lightweight in six years? Cage Potato keeps bringing it up and it amazes me every time.) They must, because I think they're throwing him to the wolves by putting him in against Florian, arguably the second best lightweight in the world. I don't think Gomi's striking is as sharp as it used to be and I don't see any way Florian doesn't pick him apart on the feet. If Gomi tries to draw on his wrestling base he faces some serious jiu-jitsu. Florian by submission.
Ross Pearson vs Dennis Siver - Here's a potential fight of the night. Pearson looked excellent in his proper UFC debut, putting on a striking clinic against Aaron Riley. Siver has won four in a row, two by highlight-reel spinning back kick knockout. Both these guys can go hard, but I'm feeling Pearson by TKO, but I could see this one going the distance and being close.
Roy Nelson vs Stefan Struve - Still gunning for that Burger King endorsement, Big Country tries to topple the Skyscraper. I should write for MMA websites. Anyway, I just don't see Struve being able to do anything against Nelson's weight advantage and substantial grappling ability. Nelson's striking has received attention after his knockout of Brendan Schaub, and Struve will have to use his reach to keep Nelson on the outside or he'll have that to worry about too. I would say Nelson will have to watch Struve's length on the ground, but I think Nelson is too sharp for that. Nelson by TKO.
Kenny Florian vs Takanori Gomi - Hmm, I'm still trying to figure out why the UFC signed Gomi. The guy is a legend, but he hasn't been relevant in what, three years? He was always so popular in Japan that the only way he would ever fight outside the country would have to be in some promotional swap (like Aoki is doing with Strikeforce) or if he had faded away. Does the UFC think Gomi has revitalized his career and can make a run at the lightweight belt and get a rematch with BJ Penn? (Incidentally, did you know Penn has not been taken down by a lightweight in six years? Cage Potato keeps bringing it up and it amazes me every time.) They must, because I think they're throwing him to the wolves by putting him in against Florian, arguably the second best lightweight in the world. I don't think Gomi's striking is as sharp as it used to be and I don't see any way Florian doesn't pick him apart on the feet. If Gomi tries to draw on his wrestling base he faces some serious jiu-jitsu. Florian by submission.
Sunday, March 14, 2010
Mass Effect 2 Review
Mass Effect 2 is a superior game to its predecessor and Bioware should be given credit for fixing the majority of the serious issues with the original. More importantly, they made some key overhauls that not only better the game, but make it different from the first Mass Effect, so you are not playing the same game with different characters or story. Due to me being uncreative, here are some bullet lists.
THE GOOD
So there you go. I'm surprised I actually finished this. I probably left out half of the important things and am wrong about what I did talk about, but what are you going to do?
THE GOOD
- Primary shooter/secondary RPG. This is the biggest change between the two Mass Effects. The first was an RPG first and a shooter second. This relegated the combat to underdevelopment. It looked great in previews and test runs, but seemed around halfway there when released. Fortunately Bioware looked at this and took the steps to fix it. Mass Effect 2 now plays fully like the 3rd-person cover shooter made popular by Gears of War. The cover system has been improved from its near-unusable state in Mass Effect to the key component of combat. Unlike the first game, you cannot just run straight into enemies and mow them down. Careful management of cover is required to survive and the controls to use it work well. The way ammunition works is different too. Formerly, weapons had unlimited ammo but had an overheat gauge. This was a decent idea but fell apart when you realized ammo management was unnecessary. Now weapons do use ammo, but they all use a single type that enemies will drop. While this seems like the new false front, it makes sense because of the six possible class types for your character and their limitations on what weapons they can use. Specific ammo types would create the details that Mass Effect 2 sheds. Building on this, the micromanagement of equipment has been removed. You will only upgrade to different weapons in the same class (like getting a different assault rifle or shotgun from the one you currently have) a few times, and the new one is always better. Instead, weapons as a type can be upgraded for your whole squad and you can change up your armor but not the armor of your squad. I'll discuss why I think this might be a little too much later, but overall I feel like the emphasis on squad combat while still keeping the RPG elements that worked best (the dialogue wheel, exploration, and tech/biotic abilities) makes Mass Effect a well-balanced and stronger product.
- The AI of your companions seems improved in combat. I only have one trip through the game under my belt, but the improvement is so exceptional I am assuming it is constant. Your teammates will usually move to cover if they are being attacked and often move up and use different angles intelligently. This is opposed to Mass Effect, where the common strategy was to run into the middle of the area and take fire from every enemy until death. The friendly AI actually is friendly now, instead of a nuisance you have to manage so they cannot screw you over.
- The environmental design has expanded. The game areas are now varied graphically and the level design is different in every area. Mass Effect suffered from two or three standard level layouts and designs that were monotonous mere hours into the game.
- The graphics look excellent and avoid the old technical hiccups. This point is a good compliment to the new level sections. Really the graphics follow more from the original, which looked nice at the time. Faces in particular are vastly more detailed and well-animated. The framerate holds steady and most importantly the ridiculous texture pop-in from the first game is gone. To be fair, it is present in some instances, but it is hardly noticeable and resolves in a second or less, opposed to the beginning of conversations being marred by it in the original.
- The side quests have been fleshed out more. Specifically, each of your squad's "spotlight" missions have received a big upgrade and carry significant consequences depending on how they play out. Various interactive scenes replace the skeleton combat scenario with maybe a choice at the end. Particular highlights include an interrogation, working from within an assassination, and trying to tempt someone from out of hiding and trap them in a nightclub.
- It is plain cool to play a game where choices you made in a previous game directly affect everything. Relationship choices, life/death choices, and how you treated the world in general can show up. Fortunately this is somewhat restrained, as you are not given constant updates or appearances from every character or old quest you did, which would feel over-the-top and not befitting the huge universe.
- They took out the MAKO. If you've never played Mass Effect, count yourself lucky you missed this. The MAKO was a six-wheeled vehicle that you drove around in during several story missions and in general anytime you dropped from space onto a planet. It had some weapons and often you were tasked with killing enemies while in it. Unfortunately it was badly developed, out of place within the traditional framework, and frustrating as hell to control. Oh, and if you flipped it, your whole party died. It does not matter that this rarely happened, because it happened to everyone at least once, which is ridiculous. It might be hard to understand how annoying it was unless you played the game, but trust me: it being gone is a Martha Stewart-esque good thing.
- The story. I never thought Mass Effect's story was anything great, but it got the job done and Mass Effect 2 is the same. There are some serious curves thrown in throughout the opening, but they mostly fade away quickly without discussion. It also suffers from being the middle piece of a trilogy, as you cannot shake the feeling that everything you do is just setup for Mass Effect 3. Still, story has never been the chief goal of these games. Instead, prominence is given to extensive world-building with your ability to shape its outcome through your choices that exist in a now-perpetual world. While saying everything else is window dressing is an overstatement, it still is partially true.
- Voice-acting. Some of it is great and some not so much. The male voice for Shepard is still...off. Sometimes the lines come across as terribly overplayed and laugh-eliciting at the wrong moments. Some of that is due to the dialogue, which is overall solid but can still produce some real clunkers. Whoever voiced Zaeed and Mordin are the standouts. The former is basically Boba Fett with lines and the latter is an alien genius geneticist that speaks in rapid-fire minuscule sentences and fragments as he outlines seemingly everything running through his mind at every second.
- Resource gathering. Even though they canned the MAKO, this seems like its equally annoying replacement and not in the spirit of the new direction at all. In Mass Effect 2, you purchase upgrades for your ship, your squad, and your weapons by using quantities of four minerals. While you can find varying small amounts of them on missions, the main way to get them is by scanning planets and launching resource nodes. The problem is you need a considerable amount of all four to maximize your upgrades, and this takes hours of time. Basically, you go into a planet's orbit and start scanning by holding the left trigger and moving it around the surface. You have a gauge that will react whenever minerals are detected and then you can send out a probe that collects it. The whole process is time-consuming and boring as hell. Later you can acquire an upgrade that allows you to scan faster, but it is still a pain. It takes you out of the action and the story, but you have to do it to progress in the game. Certainly this is not something that should prevent you from playing the game, but it still grates, and seems like something that would have been in Mass Effect, with its much more varied options for equipment.
- Fuel. This sort of relates to resource gathering. Now, in certain parts of star systems, you must purchase fuel in able to move between points. What I fail to get is why only in certain parts and not everywhere. When you jump into new systems you do not need it, nor when you move around in interior clusters or nebula's. You only use it when you move between the clusters, nebula's, or other interior areas of systems. Fuel is thankfully not expensive and can be purchased in most systems at fuel depots, but I cannot understand why you only use it intermittently. In the big picture, this hardly detracts from the game, but it seems misplaced in the stripped down setup.
- Cinematic conversations. Now here is a good idea that went awry. The dialogue wheel was such a revelation in Mass Effect that Bioware could be forgiven for making the conversations always between two people that never moved and always stood a foot apart. So now they tried to step up their game and make everything the word I hate to use but which seems most appropriate: "cinematic." The characters will now move around during dialogue and sometimes interact with the environment. This works well for a little while, until you realize there are around four stock expressions and movements anyone will do. You can only watch Shepard crack his knuckles, clench his fist, and my personal favorite, cross his arms across his chest and assume the ultimate suspicious power stance, so many times before it gets irritating. Also stuck on repeat are instances in conversation where a character will get up and move around or examine something during a certain line and then will do the exact same movement with the same angle after they return to their previous position again and again. It gets unintentionally hilarious fast. Good try, and if Mass Effect 2 is any indication at fixing things that need to be, Bioware should get this under control next time.
- No customization is no fun. So earlier I said the less customization was an improvement, but on a smaller scale I think they might have taken too much out. While there was an overabundance of equipment in the first game, that mostly stemmed from the game giving you access to it too much, making ninety percent of it pointless. It was still interesting looking through the different manufacturers and mixing equipment with strengths for different characters that had vastly different abilities. That's totally gone in Mass Effect 2. The image of your characters never changes outside of few and far between weapon switches. The characters themselves have had their number of individual powers you can level reduced and the powers are more common among each member. It is certainly not bad enough that every character plays the same, but there has been a significant melding of the vastly different character classes from Mass Effect into two or three simple archetypes. This is certainly a subjective point, as the game is more streamlined for these changes, but I think it removes too much variety as a cost.
- The helmet glitch. Okay, here is something incredibly minor to finish up and affects nothing. The game does not recognize when your character is wearing a helmet. Since you keep your armor on constantly unless on your ship, this can create some hilarious moments. Watch in amazement as you take a drink straight through a visor and try not to fall out of your chair when your emotional embrace with your previous love leads her to assault your helmet with her tongue.
So there you go. I'm surprised I actually finished this. I probably left out half of the important things and am wrong about what I did talk about, but what are you going to do?
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