That post about Ron Paul sucked so I deleted it, and the Iron Fist review I wrote below is bad, but I left it up because some of the other things are okay. Also deleted a six paragraph draft I had brewing about cross promotion in MMA. I sure do have high standards for my one reader (hey Chris!). And the second part of this post is going to be close to unreadable, so read at your own peril.
But up first, I'm going to complain about stuff that doesn't make sense, at least to me. Several years ago I saw two articles in the local paper that completely contradicted each other and left me wondering what the hell is happening. First article says the overwhelming majority of people they surveyed don't support gay marriage. Then, right next to that, there's an article that says the overwhelming majority of people they surveyed dont' want to put a ban on gay marriage. Now I'm sure different groups of people were surveyed and maybe even in different areas but what a great choice of articles to place together. WE DON'T LIKE THAT CRAP BUT WE DON'T HATE IT ENOUGH TO STOP IT FOR GOOD...sorry gay people, have fun in eternal limbo or move to Canada, cause nothing changed. Or get to California. Isn't it great when the states get a hair up their ass and do whatever they want sometimes? And then it all gets overturned a month later, but still, fun while it lasted. Always seems to happen in the golden state, which makes it great when you're at the supermarket looking for the right brand of frozen orange juice and you hear discussion like, "CALIFORNYA has done nothing but destroy AMERICAN values and provide a breeding ground for sinners. Did you see where Jesus killed more Chinese cause they don't like him?" I bring up gay marriage cause there's this parallel that only I can see with how people view "da govament". When things are going great everybody wants the government to eat shit and not exist. But then when something goes wrong we come running! "Gas is $87 dollars a gallon, why doesn't the government do something for once and lower the gas price and help everybody by reaming the oil companies." Hey kids, good news, gas is down to $2 a gallon, but we think we're gonna look into some environmental regulations the oil companies might've broken that could result in fines. "NOW WAIT A MINUTE, YOU AIN'T GOT NO RIGHT TO TELL THEM HONEST, HARD WORKING ENTREPENEWERS WHAT THEY CAN'T DO. ANY MONEY THEY MAKE SHOULD BE THEIRS, AND NOT GO TO SOME WELFARE CHECK TO BUY DOPE WITH!" Wow, this got unreadable fast, but it was fun.
Now here's a comic series that I don't like for reasons I probably can't explain well and may not prove to be valid. And by series I mean issues one and two of Ultimates 2, because I couldn't force myself through any more. It's superheroes, but they're in the real world!
HOLY SHIT, THE REAL WORLD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1111111111111111112222222233333444445555555666666666777777
But wait mom, that doesn't really make sense does it? I mean, there aren't super soldiers or Norse gods running around outside. And guess what, ol' Johnny's right, there aren't! Don't tell Mark Millar though, because his whole foundation of life will crumble. In this real world, all the main characters are arrogant douchebags who talk a bunch, which makes drying paint look fascinating. Chief among them is Stalwart Steve Rogers, who is such a dumb prick in here it makes me want to run anywhere that has the Brubaker series and just masturbate fervently to its' contents. "People swearing is bad, all girls dress like whores, oh look, stereotypical thug black whippersnappers made a comment at me so this effectively placed cutaway shot will imply that I gave em' a whoopin cause I is awesome and they is dumz, lawlz." They've should've kept this asshole on ice. "Hey Thor, you have different opinion like Nazis and hang out in your opium rave den, so I will respond with punch." Oh but he's stopped by some obvious hipster protester Green Peace asshat who starts a beer assault on him...well sure. And I thought we couldn't get much lower than this A doesn't stand for suck. Here comes Scarlet Witch and Quicksilver, on vacation floating through Italy. Then they get a phone call so they can show off their super snobbery, and imply that they like Europe, where everyone is a liberal cancer and should be thankful they exist because of Uncle Sam, but the guy that writes this is Scottish. Oh and Oprah is mentioned, and Tony Stark is on Larry King, because they're REAL PEOPLE IN THE REAL WORLD THAT THIS TAKES PLACE IN STARBUCKS. So to recap: superheroes are real, Captain America is written as a symbol of American elitism and arrogance and Pietro and Wanda are even bigger dipshits than the other people, cause they are all arty and hang out in Venice or something. So see, you can't single anyone out because they're all unrelatable AND unlikeable. Oh and Cap is teh narrowminded cause he thinks gods are dumb and he is a sucker cause he goes to church WHAT THE FUCK MARK MILLAR?
Good thing I only paid ten dollars for all thirteen issues, here I come ebay!
5 comments:
I liked the Ron Paul post, but didn't have enough of an opinion to leave any comments about it.
You need more rants like the Ultimates one, though. I don't have to agree with an obscenity laced tirade to enjoy it.
Like I said in the preface, I probably wouldn't express my feelings perfectly. Millar is a guy I have never understood the hype for, mainly because a lot of what he does is just not what I want in a superhero comic. I remember liking the first Ultimates series, but I read it as it came out, so I wonder what I'd think now. I will say he can script a good action sequence. I didn't mention it, but the one in the first issue with Cap in Iraq was the highlight of both issues. Plus, I always get a reaction when I read something of his, which is more than I can say for a lot of superhero stuff that is just bland and just "there".
I'm a fan of Millar, but he's certainly hit-or-miss. I love Ultimates 1 &2, Early Ultimate X-men, and his Fantastic Four (Both Ultimate FF and Marvel U. FF). However his Marvel Knights Spider-Man was weak and I couldn't even finish Wanted. He has a unique voice, I think, because it seems all his books read the same, in the sense you can tell "This is a Mark Millar book" while reading it, even if you didn't know that going in. (Same can be said of Bendis, only to an even greater degree) I'm not sure if that's good or bad.
The definitive voice is certainly a factor. And another thing that bugs me is it seems sometimes he's just trying to shock the audience. That's all Wanted practically is. And while I haven't read it, I don't see jackhammer rape in The Authority as being much else.
Yeah, he certainly seems to get his jollies off of shocking the audience. Sometimes I find that forgivable, but it just depends on what characters and universe are involved and whatnot. For instance, I've never read much Authority, but I have a feeling that the jack-hammer rape would ring true.
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