The Regathering of Magical Things

I have started messing with Magic again, and I think if the playgroup in my weekend location can stick together I will keep with it. I certainly am reading sites and following coverage again, so it feels like it's 2003, except I think I am somewhat better at the game. Anyway, I know one person who used to love to read my 0-2 drop tournament reports and I'm hoping he still does. This was the first draft I had done in 4 years and the first I had done where I really had a semblance of what was happening in 6 years. Here we go with M11 Draft.

I show up to the store and I'm the last person for our crew of 9. Time may pass, but the same goobers still play the game. We've got the guy whose wife is calling him every five minutes wondering where his mom is so she can come pick up their damned kids. We've got the guy who has a totally savage, brutal, burngasm comment after every other person's sentence. We've got the guy talking about his awesome constructed decks before the draft. There's the older guy that doesn't fit in but tries to hoot 'n' holler with the youngans. Then we've got the guy who, God bless him, is just so annoying you can't suffice his existence in a world with any sort of higher power or omnipotent force of good. And then there are the people you can handle. All 3 of them. The draft starts and research just goes out the window. I can watch LSV draft all day on MTGO and think I've got a minor handle on things. What the hell was I thinking? First pick I take a Garruk's Packleader over Sleep. After this I don't remember much because I was seeing cards so late that should be mid-range to high picks that I had no idea what to draft. I think I passed a Serra Angel pick 2 for an Air Servant instead. This is instructional, right? Then I see a Blinding Mage pick 4. I stare at it wondering why it's there. Anyway, I take it just because I want to keep options open figuring white is there. Then I see a Forsee like pick 7 or 8 and scoop it up. I think I get an Azure Drake like 11th and at the end of Pack 1 I have a bunch of G/B/U stuff and a Blinding Mage. After this point I remember nothing specific. I got a Mitotic Slime to go with a Gravedigger along with a Cudgel Troll and Sylvan Ranger, which was good because at this point I was looking at three colors. Pack 3 is good news when I get a Cultivate early and then a second Awakener Druid and Acidic Slime. Just to tell you the level of this table (and I by no means am a good drafter, but still) there was an Assault Griffin that went 14th pick...come on guys, really?

I end up with G/U/B with this list:

2x Barony Vampire,
2x Awakener Druid
2x Lllanowar Elves
1x Azure Drake
1x Yavimaya Wurm
1x Gravedigger
1x Mitotic Slime
1x Royal Assassin
1x Acidic Slime
1x Sylvan Ranger
1x Giant Spider
1x Cudgel Troll
1x Air Servant
1x Gargoyle Sentinel
1x Garruk's Packleader
1x Howling Banshee
1x Jace's Ingenuity
1x Forsee
1x Cultivate

1x Mystifying Maze
8x Forest
5x Island
4x Swamp

The mana might not be correct, as in that may not be the numbers I played and it is probably horribly mis-built from the start. It only ended up being an issue in one game. Also, I only had one 2-drop and possibly too many 4 and 5-drops. Hey, I never said I was good.

Round 1: Guy who was super annoying.

We set down and dude comments that our first names are both Josh. Since I can't make it to the courthouse until Monday to change my name, we start Game 1. His deck is just awful. This will be a mini-theme. He was playing a bunch of terrible cards, the highlight being one of the 2-cost artifacts where you gain life if they cast a certain color spell. Anyway, I just crush him Game 1. Game 2, he at least shows something by getting rid of a guy with Doom Blade. He then has two bad creatures and then shows me the combo of the millennium, Mass Polymorph. Except he hits more terrible guys, one of which was a Liliana's Specter (COMBO, I guess). I crush him again. After the game he tells me he's running Mass Polymorph so he can hit Inferno Titan, which he cannot get into play any other way...yep. As an addendum to this match, here's a nugget of wisdom from this guy before we drafted. He said that there were two cards he would pick no matter his colors or anything if he opened or was passed them: Doom Blade (that's sorta reasonable) and Mana Leak (that's sorta not reasonable).

Round 2: Guy who was his own constructed hype-man.

I knew he had cracked a Grave Titan and a Fauna Shaman, so I was wondering how this would go. Turns out he went mono-black (apparently channeling Frank Karsten from Odyssey block) and his deck was muy mal. Still, he had Grave Titan. Game 1 he plays sub-optimal cards and it's over quick. Game 2 is a little different. I come out a little slow but he stalls out and really has nothing threatening and is stuck on five mana. He hits Swamp #6 and Grave Titan comes out. I start hanging back but he immediately attacks with it next turn. Here's another addendum. This guy sort of reminds me of me when I used to play. Loves the game and makes rough plays and then hates the game. Sure enough I have two guys that can double block and I take out GT. He sort of stares at the board and doesn't understand what's happening. I explain that both my guys will die and so will his. He finally figures it out and is not happy. Earlier he made a similar mistake with Stabbing Pain where he wasted the card and I tried to show him how if he had played the card differently, it would benefit him. I gave him the option to back up and he refused, which further reminds me of myself because I used to blatantly screw up, be told what I did wrong, and then just get pissed and never learn. Anyway, enough with the after school special. I come back soon and win.

Game 3: Ron Trauma

Ron was the best player there and a nice dude as the de facto runner of things. I thought his deck was a little janky but he showed me in the end. Game 1 the board gets cluttered but I have Packleader and eventually I overwhelm him. Game 2 I have mana issues and he takes me out quick. Game 3 is disappointing because I think if I get through Ron I could go undefeated but I keep a slow hand and he gets Fire Servant out on the table, which I know is bad because he has plenty of burn. Chandra's Outrage takes out my best guy and I take four, he then Flings a guy at me for 6 and then Fireball comes straight to the dome for like 100. Addendum #3: Ron's last name is not Trauma, but that is his wrestling name. Yes, he is a former local pro wrestler who packed it in but still works the show as a commentator and manager. So to me he is Ron Trauma. Why do I know this? I went to a show he was at. Yes, legions, whenever I drop my frequent cultural elitism, remember I have attended a local pro wrestling show and am full of shit.

Game 4: Luke, who I didn't mention earlier. He got hit by a car like a year ago, got a bunch of money and spent it all because he doesn't understand scarcity. He was there drafting because he had taken money from his girlfriend to pay bills and instead invested it in WOTC's product.

Luke had a U/W deck but his cards weren't that great. I think in every game he attacked into my empty board on turn three and cast Mighty Leap to get in that extra two to the face. Game 1 he just runs out of cards after casting what I swear was every physical copy of Unsummon in the world and it's over. Game two I stall on mana and he's able to clog up the board and then drops a Blinding Mage, allowing him to tap down the creature I needed to survive a turn later. We go to Game 3 and Ron lets us know since we have the fortune to play in a place that is not where we get the cards and closes at 10 pm, we have about fifteen minutes to finish up and the winner will split the prize in the finals. Game 3 gets pretty tight. He gets out some guys and I'm light on action. I'm down to 8 and he has more guys on board than I do. He untaps and drops Inspired Charge, the last card in hand, before I declare blockers...uhh? I was planning on chumping anyway, but now he gets nothing and even loses guys. On the next turn I'm able to drop Azure Drake and get Howling Banshee back with Gravedigger. I'm hesitant about playing the Banshee, which will take me down to 3, but I figure it's my path to victory as he has no flying blockers. A few turns later he concedes when he still has a turn to live. I get 9 packs. Addendum #4: Luke acted like he either hadn't slept in a week or was going through withdrawal from narcotics. Paying attention and moving seemed to be a chore. He also seems prone to thinking he's a man out of time, as about half his vocabulary comes from the movie Grease.

The perfect ending to this story? I got home and spilled Diet Mountain Dew all over my deck. Thankfully there was nothing good in there. This whole report was unnecessary, but fun. Hopefully I do it again next week.